Need support urgently with a relationship?
If you need to speak to someone urgently about a relationship, there are lots of people who can help.
In an emergency, call 999.
Childline is there to help anyone under 19 in the UK with any issue they’re going through. It’s free, confidential and available any time, day or night. Call: 0800 1111. Visit: childline.org.uk
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) offers 24/7 support to women experiencing domestic abuse. Call: 0808 2000 247. Visit: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
Men’s Advice Line (Respect) offers support for male victims of domestic abuse. Call 0808 8010327. Visit: mensadviceline.org.uk
Galop supports LGBT+ people experiencing abuse or violence, such as hate crime, domestic abuse, sexual violence, so-called “conversion therapy” or any other kind of abuse. Call: 0800 999 5428. Visit: galop.org.uk
What does a healthy relationship look like?
Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships (AMAZE Org)
Everyone values different qualities in relationships, and that’s totally ok! It might be important for you that your romantic partner is funny, but your best friend cares more about being with someone they can have deep, intellectual conversations with.
There are some qualities, however, that must be present in every relationship for it to be healthy. These are:
Respect
Everyone should feel valued and heard. Respect means treating each other as equals and accepting differences without putting the other person down.
Consent and Boundaries
Everyone has the right to set boundaries – physical, emotional or personal. Consent isn’t just about sex – it’s about making sure everyone is comfortable with any decision in the relationship, and that no one feels pressured to do things that make them uncomfortable.
Communication
Talking openly and honestly helps avoid misunderstandings and solve problems. Good communication means listening as well as expressing how you feel.
Kindness
A relationship should make you feel supported and cared for. Small acts of kindness – like checking in, being patient, or offering encouragement – help build a strong connection and make each person feel valued.
Safety
You should feel safe both physically and emotionally in a relationship. No one should make you feel scared, pressured or afraid to be yourself. If you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable, even if you’re not sure why, it’s important to trust that feeling and reach out for support.
Trust
Trust is about believing in each other and feeling secure. It doesn’t mean sharing everything – privacy is still important, and checking messages or demanding passwords isn’t a sign of trust. Without trust, relationships can become full of doubt, jealousy, or control, which isn’t healthy.
Equality
A healthy relationship means sharing decisions, responsibilities and effort. If one person is always in control or doing all the work, it’s not fair. Each person’s feelings, needs and choices should be valued equally.
Unhealthy and abusive relationships
Abuse is where one person has power and control over the other.
An abusive person does not want to have, or restore, equal power in the relationship and will manipulate their partner to gain and maintain power and control.
Unhealthy behaviours can also become abusive when a partner does not correct them, is exhibiting several unhealthy behaviours, and/or has a pattern to their unhealthy behaviours.
Ask yourself:
- Are they open to talking about how their behaviours make me feel?
- Do they accept responsibility and acknowledge their behaviour was unhealthy and unacceptable?
- Are they more open to my opinions and activities than before?
- Are they making lasting changes?
How to support someone
If you’re worried a friend is experiencing abuse, there are ways you can support them to get the help that they need.
- Listen and take care not to blame them
- Acknowledge that it takes strength to talk, and nobody deserves to be abused, despite what the abuser says
- Give them time to talk, but don’t push them
- Support them as a friend, encourage them to express their feelings, and allow them to make their own decisions
- Ask if they have suffered physical harm and if they have, offer to support them to go to a hospital or GP
- Help them to find support or report to the police if they choose to
- Don’t confront the abuser – it could be dangerous and make the situation worse
- Don’t feel you have to deal with it alone or have all the answers
