What is sex?
Often when people think of sex, they think about vaginal sex where a penis and vagina are involved to make a baby. Of course, sex can play a vital role in making a baby, however we understand that sex can mean so much more than this!
Consent is key when it comes to any kind of sexual activity. No one should feel pressured into doing something they don’t feel 100% comfortable with doing, and both people should be able to fully understand the decisions they are making. You can read more about consent on the Consent page.
Types of sex
There are lots of different ways that people might engage in sexual activity. This might include:
- Vaginal sex
- Inserting a penis into a vagina. This is the type of sex that can lead to pregnancy.
- Oral sex
- Using a mouth on another person’s vulva, penis or anus to give pleasure.
- Anal sex
- Sexual activity involving the anus. This might include inserting a penis, toy or fingers into the anus or using the mouth to give pleasure.
- Sex toys
- Using items created specifically for sexual activity.
- Masturbation/sexual touching
- Using hands and fingers to give pleasure to yourself or others.
- Genital to genital contact
- Rubbing or touching a vulva or penis against another person’s vulva or penis.
Having sex for the first time
When you decide to have sex for the first time, it’s important that you and the person you’re having sex with both feel ready, comfortable and that it’s something you really want to do. It can be normal to feel nervous when it comes to sex, but this should be because of excitement rather than feeling scared.
Remember, there are different ways people can have sex, and you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You might be ready to try sexual touching with your partner but don’t want to engage in penetrative sex, and that’s totally ok! Even if you have been dating someone for a while, or if your partner is ready, or if all your friends have had sex, make sure you’re doing it for you and not because you feel like it’s something you have to or should do.
Check out our Myth Busters at the bottom for more information about first time sex.
Keeping safe
Sex should be enjoyable and you shouldn’t have to spend it worrying about what might go wrong, so it’s important to know how to keep as safe as possible to prevent any unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Contraception
Contraception refers to methods that can be used to prevent pregnancy, and there are lots of these to choose from! Some methods of contraception can also be used to prevent STIs, including internal and external condoms.
Contraception is FREE on the NHS for all ages, and you can get it from a range of places, including ourPlace, Wirral’s sexual health clinic for young people aged 13 to 19 – extending to 25 year olds with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND). Visit the ourPlace website.
Combined pill
The combined pill (‘the pill’) contains two hormones: progestogen and oestrogen. It needs to be taken at the same time every day to be the most effective. It can work in three main ways: by thickening the mucus around the cervix so it’s harder for sperm to pass through; by thinning the lining of the womb so a fertilised egg can’t implant; and by stopping an egg from being released (ovulation).
Pros:
- 99% effective when used correctly
- Easy to start and come off of
- May reduce heavy periods and period pain
Cons:
- Doesn’t protect against STIs
- Can cause side effects in some people
- Need to remember to take it at the same time every day
Progestogen only pill (POP or mini pill)
The progestogen only pill (‘mini pill’ or POP) contains the hormone progestogen. It needs to be taken at the same time every day in order to be the most effective. It can work in three main ways: by thickening the mucus around the cervix so it’s harder for sperm to pass through; by thinning the lining of the womb so a fertilised egg can’t implant; and in some people, by stopping an egg from being released (ovulation).
Pros:
- 99% effective when used correctly
- Easy to start and come off of
- May reduce heavy periods and period pain
Cons:
- Doesn’t protect against STIs
- Can cause side effects in some people
- Need to remember to take it at the same time every day
Patch
The patch is a small sticky patch that is stuck onto the skin like a plaster and changed once a week and contains two hormones: progestogen and oestrogen. It can work in three main ways: by thickening the mucus around the cervix so it’s harder for sperm to pass through; by thinning the lining of the womb so a fertilised egg can’t implant; and by stopping an egg from being released (ovulation).
Pros:
- 99% effective when used correctly
- Only needs changing once a week
- May reduce heavy periods and period pain
Cons:
- Doesn’t protect against STIs
- Can cause side effects in some people
- It currently only comes in one colour (beige) so is more visible on some skin tones than others
Injection
The injection contains the hormone progestogen and is given by a doctor or nurse around every 13 weeks. It can work in three main ways: by thickening the mucus around the cervix so it’s harder for sperm to pass through; by thinning the lining of the womb so a fertilised egg can’t implant; and by stopping an egg from being released (ovulation).
Pros:
- 99% effective
- Lasts up to 13 weeks
- May reduce heavy periods and period pain
Cons:
- Doesn’t protect against STIs
- Can cause side effects in some people
- Can take up to a year for fertility to return to normal after using (although some people could get pregnant immediately)
Implant
Hormonal coil (Mirena/IUS)
Copper coil (non-hormonal IUD)
Emergency contraception: ‘the morning after pill’ or ‘plan B’
Emergency contraception is a type of contraception that can be taken after unprotected sex or if your regular contraception has failed (e.g. a condom has split) to prevent pregnancy. Despite the term ‘morning after pill’, you can access emergency contraception up to 5 days after unprotected sex, although it is most effective the sooner it is used.
Emergency contraception is FREE on the NHS for all ages and you can get it from a range of places, including ourPlace the Sexual Health Service for people 19 and under – extending to 25 year olds with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND). Visit the ourPlace website.
There are two main types of emergency contraception:
Emergency copper coil (IUD)
The emergency copper coil is the same as the regular copper coil in the Contraception section above, and is the most effective form of emergency contraception. It is a small T-shaped flexible plastic device containing copper that is inserted into the uterus via the vagina by a doctor or nurse. It is over 99% effective when used as emergency contraception and can be left in for up to 10 years to prevent pregnancy as a form of regular contraception.
Emergency contraceptive pill
The emergency contraceptive pill works by stopping or delaying the release of an egg from the ovary (ovulation), so is only effective if taken before ovulation has occurred. Depending on the type of pill and when it is taken, it can be around 58% to 98% effective. It is not intended to be used as a regular form of contraception, so it’s important to discuss this if you plan to have sex again and don’t want to become pregnant.
Emergency contraception does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) so it’s still important to get tested for these and discuss PEP if you are at risk of HIV. Find out more about STIs, HIV and PEP in our STIs section below.
Condoms
Condoms are made of thin latex or latex-free synthetic rubber to cover a penis or sex toy to prevent fluids or infections from being transferred between partners. You can also get internal condoms made from polyurethane which fit inside the vagina instead of covering a penis or toy.
How to use
Before opening a condom, it’s important to check for 3 things:
- The date: condoms have an expiry date and, if used after this date, are more likely to break.
- Damage: check for any holes, rips or tears. You should be able to feel a light air bubble within the packet when holding it between your finger and thumb.
- Quality marks: ensure condoms have the European CE mark, UKCA mark or BSI kite mark on the packet so you know they can be trusted
Once you are sure that these 3 things are all ok, follow these steps:
- Feel for the condom in the packet, push it to one side and slowly rip the packet. Don’t use teeth or scissors, and be careful of sharp nails, as these can damage the condom.
- Make sure the condom is the right way up before putting it on the penis or toy – it should look like a little hat and the rolls should be tucking over the outside instead of under the inside. If you accidentally put it on the wrong way round and it doesn’t roll down, take it off, put it in the bin and get a new condom – flipping it around can lead to infection or pregnancy as the fluids from the inside are moved to the outside.
- Pinch the tip of the condom and place on the top of the penis or toy. If the penis has a foreskin, roll this down before putting the condom on. Ensure the penis is erect (hard) before putting the condom on.
- Still pinching the tip, roll the condom down to the base of the penis or toy.
- You can now apply a water-based or silicone-based lubricant (not oil-based as these can damage condoms) if you wish. Do not use a silicone-based lubricant if using silicone sex toys, as it can cause damage to the toys. Make sure to only use flavoured lubricants for oral sex, as these can cause irritation to the vagina or anus.
To remove a condom:
- Hold the condom at the base until the penis or toy is removed from the vagina or anus before taking it off.
- Hold at the base and slowly slide the condom up from the base.
- Once removed, you can tie it in a knot to prevent leaks.
- Check there are no rips, holes or leaks in the condom. If there are, check out our section on emergency contraception as you may not be protected against STIs and pregnancy.
- Wrap the condom in tissue and put it in the bin – not down the toilet!
How to put a condom on – condom demonstration video (NHS)
Types of condoms
You might think that condoms are a standard, one size fits all method, and that if one condom doesn’t work for you then you don’t want to use them. However, there are lots of different types of condoms to choose from so it’s important to trial and error and see what works best for you and your partner! You can get a range of different condoms for FREE from sexual health clinics, including ourPlace, Wirral’s Sexual Health Service for young people.
- Different sizes: did you know you can get condoms in small, medium and large? It’s worth trying different sizes before having sex so you know what works for you!
- Material: some people are allergic to latex, but that doesn’t mean they can’t use a condom! Condoms made of synthetic materials like polyurethane or polyisoprene are suitable for people with a latex allergy.
- Texture: condoms come in different thicknesses and textures, including ‘natural feel’ thinner condoms that are less noticeable, extra thick condoms to provide maximum safety, and ribbed or dotted condoms to enhance pleasure.
- Flavoured condoms: these can be used for oral sex and come in a range of flavours like strawberry, bubblegum or mint. Make sure to switch to an unflavoured condom for vaginal or anal sex to avoid irritation.
- Internal condoms: these are inserted into the vagina or anus instead of using a condom on the penis or toy. Find out more about internal condoms on the Terrence Higgins Trust website.
Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
STI stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection. STIs are infections that can be passed from person to person through unprotected sexual contact, including vaginal, oral and anal sex; genital to genital contact; and sharing sex toys. STIs don’t discriminate, and anyone can get one no matter their gender, sexual orientation or the genitals they have. You can find out more about the different types of STIs on the Sexual Health Wirral website.
How do I know if I have a STI?
Many STIs have no symptoms at all but could lead to more serious health problems if not treated, and can still be passed on to others. The only way to know for sure if you have an STI is to get tested regularly. We would recommend getting tested with every new sexual partner, or at least once a year even if you are in a long term, monogamous relationship. However, if you notice any unusual symptoms then it’s important to visit a sexual health clinic for treatment.
Unusual symptoms might include:
- Unusual discharge that smells different, or is a different colour or texture
- Soreness or swelling around the genitals
- Pain whilst urinating
- Needing to wee all the time
- Blisters or spots around the genitals
- Unusual bleeding
- Black powder or little eggs in pubic hair or underwear
- Stinging, tingling, itching or burning
Did you know?
Over half of all people who have chlamydia show no symptoms at all, but it can lead to serious long-term complications if left untreated including infertility and chronic pain. Around 1 in 10 young people tested positive for chlamydia in Wirral – so it’s important to get tested and treated if you are sexually active as it may be more common than you think!
Testing
You can get tested for STIs easily at a sexual health clinic like ourPlace or by using a free postal test kit from Sexual Health Wirral if you are 16 or older.
Testing is easy and there’s no need to be embarrassed as the nurses will have seen it all before! You can test for common STIs like chlamydia or gonorrhoea with either a urine sample or vaginal/anal/throat swab that you do yourself. Some STIs like HIV or syphilis require a blood test that can be taken either via a needle at a clinic, or via a finger prick blood test that you can do at home. Some STIs will require a healthcare professional to give you a physical examination and potentially take a swab to confirm the diagnosis.
What happens when visiting a clinic for an STI test? (UK Health Security Agency)
Treatment
All STIs can be treated, and many can be cured completely with the right treatment. Most STIs are treated easily with antibiotic tablets, creams or injections, and a doctor or nurse will be able to confirm the right treatment for you.
Some STIs like HIV, herpes and genital warts cannot be cured, but there is treatment available to manage symptoms, reduce the likelihood of passing them on, and reduce the chance of long-term problems.
Sexually transmitted infections will not just go away on their own, so it’s really important to get them tested and treated as soon as possible. Without treatment, STIs can lead to serious and life-threatening complications including infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease and increased risk of cancer.
HIV: PrEP, PEP and ART
HIV is a virus that suppresses the immune system making it harder to fight off illness, and can be life-threatening without treatment. Thankfully because of the treatment we have today, most people with HIV can go on to live long, healthy lives and can’t pass on the virus to other people. 1 in 16 people in the UK who have HIV don’t know that they have it, so it’s really important to get tested regularly to ensure that it can be found early enough for treatment to be most effective.
How can I prevent HIV?
Condoms are a very effective way to prevent HIV being passed on, as they provide a barrier between people having sex and any fluids containing the infection. Using lubricant can also reduce the risk of tearing the skin, as small cuts can increase the risk of infection.
PrEP is a pill that can be taken before sex that can reduce the chance of someone getting HIV, even if having sex with someone who has the virus.
PEP is a 28 day course of medication that can be taken up to three days after being exposed to HIV (e.g. through unprotected sex with someone who has the virus) and can reduce the risk of getting HIV. Although it can be taken up to 72 hours, it is most effective the sooner it is taken.
If someone tests positive for HIV, they can use antiretroviral medicines (‘ART’) which allow them to live a long and healthy life and stop them being able to pass on the virus to others. This treatment reduces the viral load to an amount that cannot be detected or passed on – this is often known as ‘U=U’, short for ‘undetectable = untransmittable’.
Terrence Higgins Trust is the UK’s leading HIV charity, and you can find out lots more about HIV on their website.
Visiting a sexual health clinic
Visiting a sexual health clinic is nothing to be embarrassed or worried about – it’s healthcare just like visiting your GP or dentist for a checkup. The staff at the clinic are very used to lots of different situations and won’t judge you for whatever it is you need to come in for.
Anyone can visit a sexual health clinic, and even if you’re under 16 the service is still confidential, and your parents don’t need to find out. ourPlace is the dedicated sexual health clinic in Wirral for people aged 19 and under, so you know that the staff are used to seeing lots of young people and you don’t have to worry about bumping into older adults whilst waiting for your appointment. ourPlace has walk in appointments available, but it’s a good idea to give them a call beforehand if you can on 0300 123 5474.
Check out this virtual tour of ourPlace to see how you can access it and what to expect:
Find out more about visiting a sexual health clinic (NHS).
Myth busters
There are lots of different myths around sex and sexual health that are completely untrue, so we’re here to bust them and give you the facts!
MYTH: You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex.
FACT: It doesn’t matter if you have vaginal sex just once or a hundred times – pregnancy is possible. Make sure that you use contraception if you are having vaginal sex and want to avoid pregnancy.
MYTH: ‘Virginity’ is something you can ‘lose’, and ‘losing’ it changes who you are.
FACT: ‘Virginity’ is a term created to describe someone who has not had sex before, but it is important to remember that it is a social construct and not a biological reality or any indication of a person’s worth. You also can’t tell if someone has had sex just by looking at their body. You may have heard about the hymen being broken when someone first has sex, which is a thin piece of skin that often covers part of the opening of the vagina. However, hymens come in all different shapes and generally do not cover the vaginal opening completely to let things like period blood come out. Many activities can stretch the hymen, including playing sport, using tampons or having sex, and many people can have sex without any changes to their hymen.
You can find out more about virginity on the Brook website.
MYTH: Only people who have lots of sexual partners get STIs.
FACT: Anyone can get a sexually transmitted infection through sexual activity, even if they only have sex once, so it’s important for everyone to consider using condoms and get regular testing.
MYTH: Vaginal sex is the only ‘real sex’.
FACT: People have sex in lots of different ways, and all types of sex are valid. This myth also erases the experiences of people who are in sexual relationships that don’t involve someone with a penis and someone with a vagina. It’s totally ok if you and your partner want to do some things and not others – sex isn’t a checklist to tick off!
MYTH: The first time you have sex should hurt.
FACT: It’s really important to listen to your body, and sex should never be painful whether it’s your first time or one hundredth. If someone’s body feels tense or they are nervous, it can mean that their body doesn’t relax or their vagina might not get wet, which can lead to pain and discomfort, so it’s really important to ensure that you are both feeling 100% ready and safe. ‘Warming up’ and touching each other in different places can also help the mind and body to feel more relaxed and turned on, and there is no rush to penetrative sex if that’s your goal. Using lube can also help make things more slippery and is especially important for anal sex, as the anus does not create its own lubrication in the same way as the vagina does.
Sometimes, painful sex can be caused by other things such as irritation, infections or conditions like vaginismus. If you are worried about painful or uncomfortable sex you can speak to someone at a sexual health clinic or your doctor for advice.
MYTH: You can get an STI from sitting on a toilet seat.
FACT: Sexually transmitted infections are passed on through sexual activity and the viruses and bacteria that cause STIs won’t survive very long outside of the body or on hard surfaces. It isn’t possible to get an STI through things like sitting on a toilet seat, kissing, hugging, or sharing a drink.
MYTH: All lesbians use sex toys, and all gay men have anal sex.
FACT: Sexual orientation has nothing to do with the type of sex that you have, and you are completely valid in your sexual orientation and identity no matter what types of sex you choose to have or not have. There is a false belief that ‘lesbian sex’ must involve lots of sex toys and genital to genital contact, and that all gay men enjoy anal sex; however this isn’t true for a lot of people! These types of sex may be something that people of any sexual orientation enjoy, but it’s also ok if you don’t and you should never be pressured into doing anything you don’t feel completely comfortable with.
You can find out more about LGBTQ+ sexual health on the LGBT Foundation website.
MYTH: You can’t get pregnant with the ‘pull out’ method where the penis is removed from the vagina before a person ejaculates or orgasms.
FACT: The ‘pull out’ or ‘withdrawal’ method where someone removes their penis from the vagina before ejaculating is not an effective form of contraception and can lead to unplanned pregnancy. Pre-cum is a fluid that comes out of the penis before ejaculation and may contain sperm, and it can also be difficult to time removing the penis at the right time before ejaculation. It is estimated that around 1 in 4 people who use the ‘pull out’ method will become pregnant each year!
MYTH: You can get pregnant from swallowing sperm.
FACT: It is impossible to get pregnant from swallowing sperm. The only way to get pregnant is by sperm entering the uterus via the vagina during sex, or through fertility treatment such as IVF or IUI. Vaginal sex is the type of sex that can lead to pregnancy, although there may be a small risk during other types of sex if sperm comes into contact with the vagina, for example if semen (the fluid containing sperm) drips down into the vagina during anal sex, or if semen is on a person’s fingers and then the fingers are inserted into the vagina.
MYTH: Vaginas get ‘looser’ the more someone has sex.
FACT: Some people think that vaginal sex can make the vagina ‘looser’ and change shape, however this is completely untrue. The vagina is like an elastic muscular tube that can open and stretch when it needs to and then go back to the same size afterwards. There is a false idea that a ‘tight’ vagina is a good thing, however this can actually be a sign that the person isn’t turned on, as arousal helps the muscles to relax and open up more!c
MYTH: Genitals should smell ‘clean’ like soap.
FACT: Genitals shouldn’t smell like soap, flowers or perfume – they are body parts that will all have a natural, mild odour to them that is different for each person. If you notice a particularly strong or unpleasant odour coming from your genitals, then it’s important to get this checked out as it could be a sign of infection.
Vulvas can be cleaned with warm water and, if desired, a mild unperfumed soap, but you should never clean the inside of a vagina as vaginas are self-cleaning. Trying to clean inside the vagina or using harsh soaps on the vulva can lead to issues such as thrush or bacterial vaginosis, which can actually cause strong unpleasant odours alongside other symptoms.
Penises and testicles should be washed using warm water and a mild unperfumed soap, making sure to clean under the foreskin if you have one.
MYTH: You should have sex with someone if you’ve been dating them for a long time.
FACT: It doesn’t matter how long you have been dating someone; the only time you should have sex is if and when you are both ready. Some people will feel ready to have sex on the first date, whilst others may be together for years and quite happy to never have sex. There is no right or wrong when it comes to if and when you should have sex, as long as you communicate, and no one feels pressured into doing something they aren’t ready to do.
